so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I am spending my child support on dildos
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
