My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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