There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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