you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
