Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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