i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
