so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
