Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
