the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
