Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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