Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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