Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
