Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
