I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
