Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
