i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
