I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
