At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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