tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My life is pants optional.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
