It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize