Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
