i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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