I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
