I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
