I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't deserve a penis
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
