he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
