I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
