haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
