If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
