Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
