Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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