There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
