Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
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Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
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Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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