I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
