I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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