i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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