i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
