i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
