I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
