dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Someone shattered a urinal.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Randomize
