Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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