I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she peed on how many people?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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