I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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