This show inspires me to have sex in space
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
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Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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