whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
