i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
