I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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