dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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