Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
