I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
