Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
