I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
