It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
