ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
