I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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