I can text with my tongue
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well I just put wine in my tea
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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