I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
