I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
