Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
