I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
