cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
