He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
