Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
