I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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