I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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