we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
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I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
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Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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