I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Randomize
