i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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