i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
