i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is Oprah even human
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
