i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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