Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
