I think im going to throw up on grandma
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
