The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
