Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
