When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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