Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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