PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
