belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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