he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
