I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
